were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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