so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
