i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
