fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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