the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
