on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
