eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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