would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
