Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
