I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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