I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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