My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
