You're my little dorito
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
