dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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