my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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