What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
