My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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