So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
