Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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