i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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