The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
