hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
