I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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