We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
