Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
