hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
