i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
