Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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