There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
