I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Four minutes until I can fart!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
