so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
