Define "chronic" masturbator.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
