About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
