I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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