Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
