Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
