bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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