Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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