just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
