I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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