So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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