hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
