Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
