her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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