dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
