Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
