I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
