I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
