Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
