there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
