He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
