Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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