because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
