he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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