went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
